I’m Sorry I Need to Say Sorry

I wanted to be angry

I wanted to yell how you two never helped

When I felt I really needed you

Though they’re probably things you’ve both forgot

But to me in those moments it was worth a lot

I have a hard time letting go

And I always do this

Setting myself up for failure all the time

Because I keep acting like I deserve your time

But I needed to remind my mind

That cuz of me you were both hurt as hell

So it was better to be angry with myself

And I wish I could say that I knew

But I just don’t know what to do

Or how I feel

What is true

And I’m sorry I couldn’t be what you both deserved

I’m sorry I didn’t seem to love you more

Sorry that I caused you pain

And I’m sorry that I just don’t know

I’m sorry that I didn’t see things through

Sorry that I’m not there for you

And I’m sorry that I hardly tried

I’m sorry that I made you cry

Cuz I’m sorry that I have to say sorry all the time

I’ve been crying and screaming

Knowing I fucked up a lot

Bifurcated heart keeps getting caught in knots

On these confused heartstrings

If you asked for me back

I’d probably come to you running

I know we’re all just human

But I feel I make too much a mess

I can hardly tell if I’ve tried my best

Or if I’ll always fail everyone

And sometimes I’d rather blame both of you

Then let my self-hate consume

And I wish I could say that I knew

But I just don’t know what to do

Or how I feel

What is true

And I’m sorry I couldn’t be what you both deserved

I’m sorry I didn’t seem to love you more

Sorry that I caused you pain

And I’m sorry that I just don’t know

I’m sorry that I didn’t see things through

Sorry that I’m not there for you

And I’m sorry that I hardly tried

I’m sorry that I made you cry

Cuz I’m sorry that I have to say sorry all the time

Maybe I just didn’t want two homes

That were so far apart yet built in my bones

Acted like I had to choose

But now my head and heart’s refused

This reality

Created because of me

And I say it’d be easier if you both just hated me

That maybe I could feel guilt free

And I’m sorry I keep having to say I’m sorry

And I’m sorry I do things to make me say I’m sorry

And I’m sorry to always be saying I’m sorry

And I’m sorry I need to say I’m sorry