My Flag

I am purple

“No, you are pink”

Maybe you didn’t hear me right: I am purple

“But I see you right now and I can tell that you are pink”

Well your eyes deceive you with the shades that society has placed over them

Because I know I’m not wrong when I say: I am purple

“What do you have against pink?”

Nothing

It’s not that I hate other people who are pink, though I do hate what pink has come to stand for

But it’s not a matter of whether or not I hate pink, it’s a matter that I am purple

“You have brown eyes, but you’d never dare say they are blue”

Of course not, that would be ridiculous

“Then you are pink”

No, I am purple

And now on the statement of “you are pink,” is the accompanied “you are crazy” and “you don’t know what you’re talking about”

As if I am not the one living my life, feeling what I am feeling, and seeing the parts of myself that only I can see

According to them, the one living in my body, apparently isn’t at all me

As if I can’t hear myself and hear how ridiculous it might sound that I, one thought to be pink, would say without a doubt that I am purple

An assumption made about me on the assumptions of what is between my legs, what my hormones are or were, and what my chromosomes may or may not be

Two such things that with our own eyes you’ll never actually see

Yet people have the gull to tell me and insist despite their own lack of knowledge, that I am pink, whether or not I say I am purple or I am blue

And for the life of me, I can’t figure out why it matters so damn much to you

In the past, I felt alright with being pink, whether or not it fully sat perfectly with me

But often at times, I’d want to be seen as blue

And I tried so very hard as that colour to be accepted by society, accepted by you

Cuz purple has no place here, and if people wouldn’t see me as purple, I might as well be blue

But I’ve come to realise, and honestly it’s probably something I always knew

That I’m not just purple

It’s way more complex

And now when they say to me “you are pink”

Yes, maybe sometimes I am pink

I am pink, I am white, I am purple, I am black, I am blue

And I don’t owe a goddamn thing to you

I am pink, but it’s not the long hair, or need for bras, or the dresses, or the desire to feel pretty

I am pink with my sisters beside me, the women before me

Who fought for the right so I can speak here now today

I am pink not when I choose to be feminine, but because I feel proud of my roots, proud of what it means to be a woman

I am pink because I grew up scared thinking that if I dress one way, I was a distraction to others or a danger to myself

Worried that should I put on what I want and something terrible should happen, they’d ask “well what were you wearing”

To tell my sisters, “it’s ok, baby girl, it’s not your fault that the world was made to be cruel

It was never your fault despite how hard they try to tell you”

I am pink not because of what’s between my legs from birth and that I once was able to give birth, but because I know what it’s like to be a woman and I’m damn proud of that fact

I am white, the absence of pink, blue, or purple even when I show myself to be in the most gendered clothing you may think of

Me being white does not mean I have to refuse to wear skirts or avoid all ties

White does not mean I owe it to you to wear bland jeans and t-shirts so you will see me as an absence of colour

There is no right or wrong way of being white

Society has not made a place for us of the white colour since it so often pushes that you be either pink or blue

So how dare it tries to tell me how I can properly be white when it never made a space for me as white

Not until us white started to make a push, there wasn’t even a bathroom for white, the closest you got was family, and family is not on this colour spectrum

So to my white siblings who are confused as to which stall you get to be in, which shelter to find safety in, what locker room you need to change in

I hear you, I see you, I feel you

You’re brave, this world scary, and I beg you don’t give up

There’s plenty of room on earth, you’re not taking up space that didn’t already belong to you

I am purple, whether or not I show neither pink nor blue or whether or not I show both of them at the same time

I don’t stop being purple because I am no longer presenting androgynous or choosing to not conform to gender roles

I can be purple when I put on an apron and cook and clean

And I can be purple when I don’t shave and put on my suit and bow tie and go out for another work day

I am purple because pink and blue occasionally disagrees with me and I need something that just sounds and feels right even if this is not a colour most would feel comfortable giving out

The colour that has no place in our society and the roles that were pre-made and expected for all of us to fill

I am purple because I know what it feels like to be that outsider and to not only have a lack of relation of one side or the other, but at the same time be everyone’s insider and have that relation to both

I am purple and I am free to define what purple means to me

Because purple, like with every other colour, has its goddamn shades

From lavender, to lilac, to plum, to iris, to shades more pink, to shades more blue

Purple means what it means to you

But purple means so much more to me

Purple is, for my body, what it means to be free

I am black, the mixing of all colours, even when I hide away my breasts and shave off my facial hair

Just because I feel black does not mean I owe it to anyone to wear half pink and half blue and dress up like a circus performer and the genderless clown I feel I am

Black is mine to shape and present as I damn well please

Just like white and purple, how the hell do you act as something that has not been defined or made a place for in our society

Despite what the horror or sci-fi movie monsters might tell you that being sexless or straying away from a binary sex is this scary thing

That the presentation of both characteristics is something to be jeered at and feared

If I’m a freak for being black, than I embrace it and say I am a freak and nothing you can do or say can shake me from my black

I am a freak and I am proud, no matter how media will try to portray me

And to all my black siblings, there’s nothing wrong with you

You’re beautiful and handsome all at the same time, all the time

Let no one take that from you

I am blue not because I like the steaks or the boxers or to show off my physical strength or even the fact that I stand when I pee

I am blue because I know what it’s like to be strong and say “I have a problem and I need help” in a world telling you that is something to be ashamed of

I am blue because I felt like should someone ever see me cry, I would lose my validity in their eyes

I am blue because I felt the weight of my sex life be compared to the weight of my worth

Being cheekily called “player” when I mentioned I had three lovers, but when in this context I had said I wanted to marry them and it was others who assumed it was all about the sex

I am blue and I wanna tell you, my brothers, that you are not weak when you have emotions outside of rage, it takes strength to bleed and cry, to know your limits and know when you need to give up

And I am so proud of you when you can open up, when you be a human being, when you can hug our fellow brothers, despite how much society has told you that’s not ok

And gaslit you to believe you have to be a certain way

I am pink when I say I am pink

I am blue when I say I am blue

I am purple when I say I am purple

And you’ve got to trust me when I say that I know this better than any of you

And I know it sounds odd, coming from me

The one who so passionately demanded you say I am purple

But my brothers, my sisters, my siblings, please believe me when I say you are so much more than what colour you are, the colour you like, the colour you present, or the colour others see you as

Your colour is an important part of who you are, made you experience the things you have, shaped the world around you and how it treated you in turn

But you are not just your colour and your colour is not solely you

You have every right to claim what your colour is and what shade you are and define it for yourself

Every right to ignore what someone else had the gull to define and pick what is you for you

And if ever comes the day you realise that wasn’t the right colour, it is in your rights to pick a new one or redefine what your current one means to you

Right now: I am purple

“You are pink”

I am so much more