Should I be Scared

Most of my love songs tend to be cute

But I’ve made some with angst but it didn’t dilute

Now the others were no lie, but this one is painfully honest

Don’t worry it’s not you, I’m just a selfish goddess

Wanna be your girl, your woman, I don’t give a damn

As long as the one you love is who I am

I lied to myself and ended up worse than before

Boy or man just didn’t seem to work

And yeah I’m obsessed

I’m a real hot mess

Can’t imagine loving anyone beyond you

And without you I wouldn’t know what I would do

But wanting to be a wife and mother

Was once a goal I had before we had each other

So why can’t I have those aspirations now

So long as they’re with you, is that wrong somehow

I have an intrigue for yandere’s

Never thought I’d see the day

Where I came to resemble one

Disgustingly lovesick and so very dumb

I’ve fucked up a lot, kept things to myself

And when they surfaced, fucked up my mental health

You’re not in the wrong, it was always me

And so losing you has gotten me scared as can be

Cuz I just wanted it to be me

And I say this selfishly

It’s all my fault the mess came about

Because I never just let it out

And yes sometimes it was me,

But I wanted it only to be

I’ve got abandonment and trust issues

Ones that I’ve probably neglected to tell you

I’m backward, I’m greedy

I just want you to only need me

And since now that it’s this scary

I wonder if I have BPD?

We both creep on eggshells to avoid a shot to each other’s gut

But I mean it when I say that I’ve had enough

I promise to not speak of the things that hurt you

But I wanna improve, so please give me a gut punch or two

Cuz I just want to stop hurting

Like the world’s unturning

You’re worth every low and high

But I worry I’m ruining your life

And yes it’s my fault it’s hurting

And I know I’m just burdening

My body reacts like everything’s ending

And it can be so hard to find how it’ll be mending

I’m manipulative, I’m needy

I just want there to be a we

And since now that I’m this weary

I wonder if I have BPD?

I look at my own text

And realise I’m just a mess

There’s nothing rational or sane

About the way I behave

Cuz I just want to love you

Without feeling goddamn guilty

I’ve turned myself into a criminal

With my polyamorous gender forced identity

I just wanna say you’re mine

Without feeling I’ve committed a crime

It’s my own fault I cannot have what I want

My heavy heart had got to accept that all the time

I’m warped, I’m clingy

I just want us to be so happy

And since now that it’s so heavy

I wonder if I have BPD?